For ages hand tawsing was on my list of "hard limits". Not that I would never, ever do it; I knew I wanted to try it sooner or later. But I was determined that the time, place and person I did it with would be right.
I've always been aware of hand tawsing as an intense, realistic, historical punishment. I learned all about Scottish schoolchildren getting "the belt"; English and American schoolchildren being caned or rulered on the hands. I even had my hands fake caned age 9 (for getting ink on my fingers while copying out the alphabet with a dip pen) on a school trip to a Victorian reenactment center, as we were told how unfair it would be, having to go back to your place and try to write neat letters with a throbbing, swollen hand. (In retrospect that school trip was pretty formative). In both school history lessons and a lot of the prim Victorian literature I grew up reading, hand punishment was far more mentionable than punishment applied to the buttocks.
It wasn't until I entered the scene that I encountered it as something people might do voluntarily. I read about fellow kinksters in discipline relationships having their hands strapped as a quickie punishment before being sent back to their desk. I once watched Lucy McLean teaching a mutual friend to do it, and I saw a number of friends get it during group roleplays with the Northern Spanking crowd. I even witnessed Leia-Ann Woods and another friend take double hand tawsings from Lucy and Amy Hunter, with both palms outstretched, crucifix style, and both tawses snapping down simultaneously. Holy shit.
I found it a fascinating punishment to watch, primarily because of the eye contact. An experienced hand tawser like Lucy can tell her victim to look into her eyes, and hold her gaze even as she lays on a devastatingly accurate stroke. There's something electric about it: the eye contact, the unique exposure and emotional vulnerability of your disciplinarian being able to watch every expression flicker across your face. You can't hide your head in shame; you have to hold it high. I love that, the way it encourages stoicism, especially when the whole room is watching. The position has always seemed a proud, brave one to me - standing tall, freely raising your palm, even though you know what's going to happen; even more so after the first strokes have been laid on, when you must do it again with your hand already sore. It takes a lot of courage.
I knew I wanted to try it, one day, but I also knew I didn't want it to be sprung on me in the middle of a light-hearted group roleplay. My fear was that I would find the whole experience incredibly intense, would cry and so on, and I didn't want to react that way in public unless the context was appropriate. It wouldn't be right for a casual fun punishment, and it wouldn't be right unless there was the opportunity for aftercare if I needed it.
In the end, that's not how it happened. First, I was asked to dish out light to moderate hand tawsings in sessions and custom shoots, and I needed to know what it felt like, so I ended up taking a few strokes privately, in a spirit of professional enquiry. None were hard enough to feel "real", but they reassured me that this was something I wanted to do.
When I was planning scenes to shoot with Leia, we were trying to think of more scenes for her topping me, and I mentioned the idea as a way to avoid marking my bottom before my big caning scene (or to avoid showing marks, after it). I knew she had considerable experience in both giving and receiving hand tawsing, so I trusted her to be safe and accurate. And having seen her take much worse hand tawsings than I was about to, I knew I'd have no excuse not to go through with it.
Dirty Hands is a witty, elegant, "short sharp shock" style punishment set in the world of the Ladies' Pony Club, the sequel to Lady Godiva. The prim and proper, "keeping up appearances" mood of this setting perfectly suited hand tawsing as a punishment. If you've Stephenson's Baroque cycle, you might recognise where I got the idea for the hand job on the yacht...
Fundraising Week is over at the Pony Club, and Miss Blake the Treasurer reports to her friend the President, Ms Woods. Leia has a bone to pick with Pandora. She knows Pandora has been messing around with her - Leia's - husband, and in fact Leia witnessed a rather unsubtle hand job taking place during the yacht cruise. Leia doesn't intend to take it lying down, and she means to make the punishment fit the crime. She knows a good way to ensure that Pandora's dirty hands don't stray where they shouldn't from now on...
I particularly enjoyed the dialogue in this, including some very sharp one-liners from Leia. I also enjoyed getting to play faux innocent, always good fun especially when you know you aren't going to get away with it!
For the tawsing itself, we negotiated 8 strokes, four on each hand, which we thought was the minimum to make for an interesting video. As a first timer, though, this meant they couldn't be full force, as even four at that severity is an extremely serious punishment. Instead Leia started out medium hard, and got a little harder towards the end. It still stung like blazes, and I couldn't help wincing as I held my tender palms up one after the other, knowing what was coming next.
Still, I survived, and I found the whole experience quite hot, more than I expected. This is definitely solidifying into an interest of mine. Now that I've done it once, I want to do it again. I'm tempted to try some properly hard strokes next time too. I really am my own worst sadist at times!
Two very different scenes for you this week - one grown-up and glamorous, the other exuberant and silly. First, we have a sensual boudoir photogallery of me completely nude, and secondly a playful puppy play scene with Michael Darling as sexy and submissive as you've ever seen him.
Step into my boudoir, and enjoy some sleepy, sensual photos of me lazing and stretching in my bedroom, fully nude and bathed in early morning sunlight.
These photos are the first set from a recent photo shoot with D, myself and new photographer Matt Christie. Matt is an amazing photographer who specialises in glamour, boudoir and art nude, and to my delight he was comfortable with shooting fetish as well.
It was a full day and we shot thousands of photos, including lots of spanking, glamour, bondage, dominance and submission and some ruder activities too. You know D and I by now, so this shouldn't come as a surprise. I'm looking forward to sharing the rest with you.
At the other end of the spectrum, our latest video stars Nimue Allen and Michael Darling as a kinky couple indulging in some puppy/mistress roleplay. (Or should that be puppy/mummy? I've always felt like the relationship with a pet is closer to "parent" than "master"...)
Puppy roleplay isn't really my kink, although I have enjoyed pet play before. However, it is a huge interest of Michael's and of Nimue's, and I'm always interested in shooting the scenes that genuinely get my performers excited. As soon as they started playing, I began to realise what I'd been missing. Puppy play is awesome. Just take a look at this trailer:
Michael wants some puppy time, and Nimue is happy to play with him. Whether the game is fetch, tug-of-war or sit up and beg, the rules are simple: good puppies get treats, and bad puppies get punished.
I wasn't sure how this scene would turn out, but the shoot was so much fun it had all three of us laughing out loud, and the resulting video is adorable.
Mikey is the cutest happy puppy!
Check out those big puppydog eyes as Mikey lifts his paw to be smacked...
And really badly behaved puppies have to drop to all fours to be punished more severely.
The appeal of puppy play is right there in the name - more than many fetishy activities it is about play in the most direct sense of the world; playfulness, fun, silliness and physicality. Here's what Michael has to say about this aspect of his kink:
Puppy play has been a favourite roleplay of mine for many years. I love how it incorporates elements of BDSM (training, discipline, collars, cages...) but at the same time there's romping and bounding about, scritching and belly rubs and playing around with other puppies. There's a fun and wonderfully tactile sensuality to it: when I'm in puppy headspace I feel incredibly centred in my body and want to run, sniff, lick and explore, and for doing so I'm rewarded with petting, head scritches and enthusiastic cries of "good boy!" It's a playful way of exploring master/pet power dynamics through the eyes of a fun-loving puppy dog.
I'm a little bit in love with the music in our newest film. I had a lot of fun editing this one, not least because that combination of powerful classical cello with more industrial rhythms is guaranteed to get me wet, regardless of whether it's accompanied by any sexy visuals. I don't know why, something about the vibrations perhaps. But it doesn't hurt that Amelia Jane Rutherford looks utterly gorgeous writhing under splashes of hot red wax:
The movie is called Pandora's Initiation, and is episode one of our new BDSM/spanking series, The Morpheus Club.
New slavegirl Pandora is nervous, untrained and intimidated by the experienced Amelia. She endures bondage, nipple clamps, humiliating inspections and punishment, culminating in a painful double caning.
So much happens in this 37-minute BDSM epic that there was no hope of me squeezing it all into the short scene description above. I decided to focus on my character's journey, but you only need to look at the tag list or trailer to get a sense of just how much else is packed into this movie. (The tag list is so long it almost breaks the page layout!)
Specifically, the scene description fails to mention any of Amelia's myriad kinky activities, including gruelling slavegirl postures, strapping, spanking, hot wax and a flogging on her back and bottom - all of which she submits to with sublime grace and poise.
This is one of my oldest fantasies. It's got a dark non-consensual edge (the implication that my character has consented to be enrolled in this establishment out of desperation, rather than because she is kinky) but otherwise it's absolutely classic. The idea is not original in the slightest: this scene has echoes in dozens of erotic novels.
I'm honoured to have had the help of the talented Hywel and Amelia in bringing this fantasy to life, and indebted to Hywel for his expertise behind the scenes, particularly in taking over the direction from me to allow me to concentrate on performance.
In our version of this classic concept, the Morpheus Club is an underground society with a faintly historical flavour. Members are kinky men and women with a range of tastes; all of them top, and some of them switch. Male and female 'pets' are recruited by fair means or foul - some are the equal partners of members who give full consent; others have less choice in the matter. Members have equal access to all pets, and training is undertaken collectively, but new pets are often mentored by their recruiter. As a natural consequence of the cast, this scene is pure M/F, but there's more to the Morpheus Club than that, and we'll see more of it in future episodes.
For me, the hottest parts during filming were the inspections, both kneeling before the Doctor, and exposed on all fours on the table with my new employers dispassionately discussing my body and reactions. That moment is the hardest part of this scene for my character, and undoes some of the confidence she gained during the bondage. This was the first time I'd played with Hywel (exciting!) and my nervousness about whether he'd find me pleasing was quite real. But I also had a lot of fun with the nipple clamps, slave training, picking things up in my teeth, and watching my handsome boyfriend flog beautiful Amelia. And, of course, the spankings!
Watching the finished film back, more things leap out at me. Amelia's hot wax sequence is one of the most glorious pieces of D/S play I've ever had the privilege to film. Her grace is just astonishing, and the genuine chemistry between her and Hywel is a joy to watch. Oh, and there are quite a lot of shots of both Amelia and I crawling on all fours with our bottoms in the air, which I hope some of you will enjoy.
You can find more of Hywel and Amelia's work at Hywel's bondage website Restrained Elegance, where Amelia is the resident slavegirl as her alter ego Ariel Anderssen. They have also made several bondage and spanking feature films which can be found at Elegance Studios. Their work is artistic, imaginative and beautifully executed, with the highest production values of any kinky studio in the UK. Spanking fans will particularly enjoy their domestic discipline movie Amelia's Sunday Spanking, which I've reviewed on my other blog here.
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